The Half-Truths of Self-Help

4 false assertions the "gurus" promote

Suzanna Kamphuis

I'll never forget the day I sat in Ruby Tuesday's alone, eating lunch as I opened my freshly purchased copy of Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled. His first chapter begins with these words: "Life is difficult."

Scott Peck had me at difficult. This I knew. All my life, I'd struggled with poor self-esteem and crippling, uncontrollable fears. Yet in my family's conservative Christian circles, a good Christian never needed therapy—ever. Self was to be denied, not embraced.

Peck goes on to say life isn't supposed to be easy; difficult is OK. Reading hungrily as I ate my meal, I suddenly felt less lonely than I had in a long time.

In my late teens, when I headed to Bible college to discover "God's will for my life," I gravitated toward bookstore self-help shelves, seeking answers in secular titles that promised healing for my wounds—Codependent No More and Taking Responsibility. My justification for this interest?

I was fixing myself for God.

I continued to read self-help throughout my 20s. But after years of chasing the self-help dream, I faced a serious marital crisis. At the prospect of becoming a single parent, I found myself turning to God—not my books—for the answers I desperately needed.

Don't get me wrong; secular self-help isn't without some sound psychological insights. But too often these insights come wrapped in falsehoods. Here are four that popular self-help gurus promote—and that Christians should avoid.

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My Most Memorable Moment as a Mother

My most memorable moment as a mother was when my youngest son Zachary was about 15 - 18 months old. He was walking by the time he was 10 months and was always getting into things. The story that I am about to tell you is ABSOLUTELY TRUE!

One day my husband and I found him at the Ozarka water fountain pulling on the spouts and there was water all over the place. He was having a wonderful time. My husband screamed “NO”, which immediately got Zachary’s attention. My husband picked him up and kept saying, “NO, NO, NO! NO WATER”! This really scared my little son and he started crying and repeated over and over, “No water, no water, no water.” He was repeating it so much that I thought we might have to get him therapy to get over it.

I had my husband sit Zack on the couch between us so that we could start calming him down, but he kept repeating over and over “NO WATER.” We told him calmly, “That’s correct. No water! Don’t play in the water.” Then he saw an ink pen on the coffee table in front of us and said, “No write, no write!” We encouraged him and said, “That RIGHT! You don’t play in the water and you don’t write on the walls! You are getting it, Zachary!” We had corrected him many times before about writing on the walls. He started saying very franticly, “No water, no write, no water, no write!” “Yes,” we said, “no water and no write. Calm down….you don’t play in the water and you don’t write on the walls.” He so sadly looked up at my husband and put his little hand on top of his head and while rubbing his head, he stated, “No water, no write”, but in a more calmly fashion. He then looked up at his dad, while still rubbing his dad’s head and said, “No water, no write, no hair!” NO HAIR! I fell of the couch, laughing so hard I could hardly get my breath! My son’s eyes brightened with my laughter! I picked him up and gave him a big hug and a kiss and said, “You’ve got it, Zack! NO WATER, NO WRITE,” and pointing to dad, “NO HAIR!!!” Poor dad! Now he needed therapy!!

Brenda Stevens

From a former US President:

"America was born a

Christian nation for the purpose of exemplifying to the

nations of the world the principles of righteousness

found in the Word of God." - Woodrow Wilson, President

1913-1921